Monday, 12 May 2014

a little piece of me

We were guests at a wedding last week and had the decision of whether to take Hugo with us. Had it been a family wedding we would have taken him with us no question, but as all of our friends were leaving their children at home it was going to be awkward having Hugo with us. We decided to take the plunge and leave him with his grandma for the day.

In hindsight I'm glad we didn't take him with us. Although there were other children and babies there, they were family and had rooms booked at the venue, something we couldn't justify right now. It would've made us leave earlier and not fully make the most of the day.

Prior to pregnancy I'd always appreciated that parents miss their children, but understood that separation is a good thing and intended to make sure I have time apart and continue with my independent life too. I must admit I found it odd that parents would get so upset when they were away from their children for a day. I always thought they should just make the most of it, rather than both be apart and be sad about it!

In practice I can honestly say that it's so so hard and I missed him an unbelievable amount! Perhaps seven weeks old was too soon to leave him, I missed him more than I ever thought I would, but even still I think there would always be that horrible first time. I was determined not to let it affect my enjoyment of the day and I did try to let my hair down, but no matter what I drank I think my body wasn't shutting off from mother duties and didn't get too drunk (not a bad thing!).

Love for a child is like no other love. It's about protection and wanting to make sure they are safe and happy. Their happiness is everything. All I wanted to know throughout the day was that he wasn't crying. To start with I was concerned about car seats, bottles and feeding, but when it came down to it I knew that all of that would sort itself and all I cared about was that he was happy.

His grandma said that he's just like his dad, a very contented little baby with a lovely nature, he cried when he was hungry (just like his mum and dad!) and was a little unsettled when being put down to sleep at bedtime, (understandably) but was just lovely natured throughout the day.

In a way it was good that we were separated before he is fully aware of his surroundings. It means that we can leave him for the odd few hours here and there and he'll hopefully get used to being with others.

The worst thing was seeing other babies and longing for a cuddle. As he's changing so fast, it does feel like I missed a day, but I have a whole lifetime of him and it's good that he bonds with his grandparents and family.

I'm away for two nights in five weeks time. I'm both so excited for some time with the girls, but I know that I'll feel a little lost, as if I've got a piece of me missing. I'll have to make sure I stock up on plenty of Hugo cuddles and smiles before I go.

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