happy days

There has recently been a trend on social media for #100happydays. The idea is to focus on something that has made you happy each day. My blog sort of serves this purpose for me, as does my beautiful baby boy! He'd pretty much be my happy thing each day right now! 

I had some awful news that really put this all into perspective earlier this week. A friend of mine's boyfriend passed away. He died in a car crash in Australia while travelling the world, living his dreams. It's someone I've never met, don't know anything about and I'm not in close contact with my friend anymore, yet it's really stuck with me and I can't stop thinking about how she must be feeling. 

It's another reminder that we need to grab this life with both hands and live for today, soaking up each moment. 

the little things - 6 week update

I'd intended to do a monthly update from now on, but it seems like a month is way too long to make note of the little things - half his life so far(!) so here's an update about Hugo between 4-6 weeks.

Sounds:

- his crying has become slightly more frequent, but still only when he's hungry and I don't get the bottle in time (he's having to be more patient than breastfeeding) or when he's windy and I can't get rid of it

- he's still snoring all of the time - I thought it may be a phase while he had a cold but it's definitely just him!
- when he's startled, he'll scrunch up his face and his bottom lip will come out, as if he's about to scream, but nothing comes out and he'll settle again - apart from the odd occasion when he's let out a slight whimper
- he's a very noisy eater, perhaps the reason for lots of wind as he breathes lots of air in

- he still absolutely loves singing and will follow me as I dance!
- I've been singing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes' and 'If You're Happy And You Know It' while changing him, to get him used to body parts and 'Round and Round the Garden' and 'This Little Piggy'
- 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams is currently played a lot and so often in my head, but the songs are more varied at the moment. I've tried some nursery rhymes too but don't know the lyrics!

smiling to changing time songs

Movement:
- his smiles light up his whole face and eyes and he oos and aahs at the same time

- he still gets windy smiles too which are different, with more of a closed mouth
- when he's still half asleep and I pick him up he'll stay tucked up in the foetal position
- his head and legs continue to be strong and he can turn his head from side to side when on his front
- he loves being up on his feet
- his grip is very strong too - he can pull on my hair
- he's found his thumb, but doesn't suck it just yet
- he responds to me and Adi and definitely knows who his parents are! I was giving Hugo his bedtime feed, Adi came in and he literally let go of the bottle in his mouth and let out a massive grin when Adi showed his face!
- we've managed to put him down to sleep while he's awake a few times now, not every night, but the majority
- if we need him to be settled for any reason he'll fall asleep straight away in his swing seat
- he sleeps with his arms above his head, it's how we can tell he's fully settled
- he likes the bouncer seat upstairs, but not so much downstairs
- he still responds most to black and white patterns and shadows

standard sleeping position

Feeding:
- he's now on the bottle having gradually moved over to formula over the past week or so
- he's started to use his tongue to indicate he's hungry, rather than rooting
- it's sometimes hard to get the bottle in his mouth because he'll be eating his hands
- he holds the bottle or grips my fingers while feeding rather than his face (most of the time)
- he'll feed all in one go most of the time, with a wind in-between
- he is more windy, but will burp properly so doesn't get trapped wind
- he's often sick after eating, especially if laid down to change too soon after a feed
- he has less hiccups but still more than most!

hand in mouth

Changing and Bathing:

- he enjoys his nappy being changed now as he responds to my face and voice as I change him
- he'll now cope with being taken out of the bath so enjoys the bathtime routine

- his poos are explosive, as they are more built up and less frequent than the breastmilk poos
- we've had some poo incidents - in the bath, on the play mat and up his back

kicking about in the bath, but slightly cautious

Features:
- his face is filling out, so it's becoming more round, with less of a jawline
- he's getting a little fat on his skin, but still very thin
- his hair is almost all lighter now, just with a few darker bits around the side, as if he's had a bowl cut
- everyone says he looks like his dad, but that there is definitely a bit of me in him
- he's got incredibly dark eyes, I think they are turning from blue to brown
- he has a half smile that turns into a full smile
- all of the newborn size clothes have been put away as they no longer fit
- some of the 0-3 month clothes are massive and some are small, he'll outgrow the tops much quicker than the bottoms as he's got a long torso
- I love putting him in all-in-ones, they suit him the best

filling out and more alert

the little things - reaching one month

It's incredible to see every tiny development before our eyes. It happens so quickly and as much as I can't wait for certain big milestones, I want to savour each moment! Here's some of those little things from two weeks to one month.

Sounds:

- he coughed and it came out as a laugh
- a couple of times he's sounded like he's giggling when catching his breath
- when Popa Need was describing a tinned/microwaved meal when he was working away, Hugo let out a 'urgh' sound, after being silent for hours - perfect timing
- snoring to rival his daddy!
- he's found his voice a little more, particularly since the tongue tie snip and can certainly let out a proper cry now!
- in the fourth week he's been much more vocal with lots more noises, moaning, grunts, oohs and aahs
- he is more alert to sounds which will make him startle or rouse if half asleep
- he's much louder on the boob, with a squeaky noise as he's sucking
- he's very noisy when pooing, often moaning, rolling around and grunting before with lots of farting and wet poo noises!
- he loves being talked to but even better, sung to - songs I've been singing include 'Edelweiss', 'Doh Ray Me', 'Kum Ba Yah', 'Twinkle Twinkle' and 'Silent Night' - probably not the right words and completely random!

concentrating on something...

Movement:
- he's even more smiley due to wind, but the smiles are starting to happen at other times-
- he can stand up when being held and push himself off you with his legs
- when he's overtired or hungry he will be very wriggly
- he can focus and follow us, looking into our eyes rather than just the eyebrows
- we've started to do daily tummy time and he can support his head and turn to the side
- he's incredibly strong when upright too, holding his head up
- he will happily lie on his play matt for up to an hour at a time
- the black and white patterns and light/ shadows are his favourite
- he's not so happy in his bouncer seat and won't last for long without being bounced
- when he's lying in the pram he'll put his arms out to steady himself
- he'll fall asleep in the car straight away - which has been useful at times!

focusing on the black and white 'Cookie cat'

Feeding:
- his latch is off and on and I have to support him very well to ensure a good latch
- if Adi picks him up when he's hungry he'll try to eat his nose
- in the evenings he'll get more trapped wind and can often be fractious
- he's been having lots of reflux too but it has started to calm down

the favourite winding position

Changing:

- he's a lot more settled having his nappy changed, unless he's really hungry!
- he now loves the bath, but hates being taken out of the water and put in the towel

- he'll often be sick while being changed, and will sometimes pee too

finally settled after bath time

Features:
- his limbs are still very long and he's thin but there aren't as many folds to fill
- the darker hair is falling out and the hair left is turning much lighter
- he still looks like his dad, particularly his mouth and eyes
- the shape of his face is more like mine and we think he's got my double crown

one of many happy and content facial expressions

life lately - paternity

One week paid paternity leave simply isn't enough. Adi had two weeks off, using annual leave for the second week, plus the weekend, making 16 days leave in total. For me it felt like two months, but for Adi it went way too quickly.

We're incredibly lucky that I didn't need much time to recover. We were out and about from 3 days after the birth and haven't stopped since! I can't imagine how people cope who have had caesareans or other complications which require more recovery, I guess that's when the support of family and friends is vital. 

I perhaps should've milked it a bit more and be waited on hand and foot, but I felt the more I did by keeping on top of housework and getting out and about, the quicker I healed, even if I did push myself to my limit somewhat. It also meant that Adi could be focused on Hugo rather than me.

We packed so much into the first two weeks, so here's a bit of a summary with some would haves/ could haves along the way.

First day:
On the lead up to the birth it's impossible to know who you'd like to visit you and when, as you can't imagine what it'll be like. Lots of people warned us that we'd be bombarded with visitors and that Adi should keep on top of it to ensure it didn't get too much for me. 

As much as we wanted time on our own, having my family around on the first day turned out to be fantastic. I knew I could speak my mind and tell them all to bugger off if needed, but having them around was a great support. 

I was high on adrenaline and couldn't contemplate resting, I just wanted to focus on the baby, feeding and relaxing. Adi was shattered, so while I had company downstairs, he was able to go and have a good sleep. I was cooked for and waited on, and managed to have a sleep while Hugo was in the best hands.

By the time my family left in the evening, we were rested and ready to go it alone. I couldn't sleep much that night, so if I hadn't had the 2 hours and if Adi hadn't had so much sleep we would have been exhausted, but that support got us both off on the right footing. It was also special to have my family there on the day he was born. Adi's parents also saw Hugo when he was a few hours old and his brother and family came the following day.

My top tip would be to try really hard to get some sleep during that first day. It can be tempting to just spend hours staring at the baby but you'll need all the energy you can to breastfeed constantly over the following days and weeks. On that first day the baby required very short feeds and not much else, so sleep and be woken by someone each time the baby needs feeding!

Visitors:

Each day onwards was filled with visits from the midwife, breastfeeding advisor's, family and friends. I was so proud and still had all of the endorphins flowing, so I wanted to show Hugo off to the world and didn't mind visitors at all. I knew all of them would take me as they found me and I was confident enough to breastfeed in front of everyone.

The only thing I would do is ensure there was time in-between visits and not too many in one day so that Hugo wasn't passed around too much. It didn't matter while he wasn't feeding much, but as the week progressed and his appetite increased, I was trying to juggle feeds with passing him around for cuddles, which stopped me from ensuring he had a proper full feed each time.

Too much, too soon:
The times that we didn't have visitors were great to chill out, but we also wanted to get out and about. While Adi was off, I wanted to go to normal places and do normal day to day things so that I could do trial runs for when I was on my own. 

On the third day we went to the White Rose centre to shop, then popped in to Adi's mums and back to ours for visitors. For the first trip out, I had totally overdone it. Because Hugo was asleep throughout the shopping trip, he'd been too long between feeds and wouldn't settle to feed at Adi's mums. We learned from this and I realised that I now have to go at Hugo's pace, not mine! That was hard over the first few weeks because feeds took so long and it seemed to be all I was doing!

Hugo's first two weeks:
By the time Adi went back to work we:

• had been shopping to the White Rose centre 
• registered him as a proper person in Wakefield
• had a baby photoshoot
• walked to the cafe in the village for lunch
• walked to the pub for a drink
• travelled to see family in Nottingham twice (due to a poorly Nanna)
• popped over to Adi's parents three times
• had a day out at West Bridgford Park (where I grew up)
• took Hugo to our friends house 
• ate out twice (Hugo's first Nando's and Pizza Express experiences) 
• had four visits from the midwife, three visits from F.A.B. breastfeeding charity and one visit from the health visitor
• enjoyed a picnic at Rufford Country Park 
• had visits from lots of family and friends!

So, I think maybe we overdid it a little, but I loved the chance to introduce Hugo to so many people and do normal things. Yes I was incredibly tired, but the hormones and endorphins helped. I was also sore but I just went at my own pace and had a bit of a waddle! I think doing so much has helped us to have a placid baby who is used to going here, there and everywhere.. or maybe it's having a placid baby that helped us!

(24th March - & 6th April 2014)

the little things - the first two weeks

Pictures can be wonderful to capture some moments, but they often miss the day-to-day, tiny details that I don't want to forget. 

Here is a list of the little things I've loved from Hugo's first two weeks:

Sounds:

- he rarely cries and just makes random cute noises as he stirs to be fed

- he let's out sighs, like 'oh my life's so hard' when he's had to work at the boob or is tired

- when he sneezes, both arms and legs lift up for each sneeze

- occasionally he will miss a sneeze at the end which comes out as a funny noise

- he gets the hiccups sometimes after feeding and looks so unimpressed

- noises don't wake him but when I coughed while he was feeding he cried for about a minute 

- I love just watching him sleep and make cute gurgling noises

sleeping with his hands above his head

Movement:
- the movement in his hands and arms is really expressive - perhaps a future pianist or dancer

- he smiles when he's windy and I've had glimpses of a dimple on his lower right cheek

- his eyes gradually focus and follow, occasionally going cross-eyed when there is too much to take in 

- sometimes one side of his mouth lifts up on it's own

- his grumpy face is so cute, with his nose and mouth scrunched up

- he gets bed head on one side when he's woken up

- he looks so chilled out when he sleeps with his arms above his head

pulling at his face during a feed

Feeding:

- before feeding he'll pant faster and faster
- he tries to eat his hands when he's routing for the boob
- if ravenous he'll shake his head from side to side when trying to latch on
- he grabs his face really hard when feeding, as if the harder he grabs the more milk he'll get

- when he comes off the boob he has a funny puckered face as his lips come over the nipple

- he will then head-butt my boob and use them as a pillow with a big sigh of satisfaction
- I love staring at his face as it changes from satisfaction to smiles and grumpy when he's windy

post-feed satisfaction

Changing:

- sometimes he hates his nappy being changed, but other times he is content

- at the moment he doesn't like a bath or being cleaned with water

- he often stretches out and concentrates when about to poo

- sometimes he will poo three times in a row (while Adi's on nappy duty)

- despite advice from mums of boys, we've still had peeing incidents while he's being changed

windy, smiley face

and they lived happily ever after

Today is three years since Adi proposed. We had been talking about our future and knew that we wanted a family, Adi had just turned 30 and it seemed like a pivotal moment.

In the last three years we've paid off debt, saved and paid for a wedding, saved and bought a house and had a beautiful baby boy. Although we hadn't known at the time where we would end up and exactly how we'd make it all happen, somehow we've achieved the three things we prioritised.

The last three years have been tough both financially and emotionally. It will continue to be tough until I secure a job and I still yearn for London. But because we've worked hard to make it happen and have done it all ourselves, it feels even more rewarding.

I now can't wait to enjoy what we have and live the life we've created together.  

toasting our engagement