to have a naming ceremony or not to have a naming ceremony, that is thequestion

I am an atheist, as is Adi, so Christening Hugo is absolutely most certainly out of the question. However, I have always liked the idea of having an alternative celebration, such as a naming ceremony.

The idea is that on his first birthday, we would have a big party, say a few words about the first year and introduce 'guide parents'.

The pros: 

- ensuring Hugo has some dedicated individuals to turn to, each living quite different lives so that he has input into his upbringing from different angles

- being able to show certain friends that we value them and want them to be involved in our children's lives - particularly for me a few girls that weren't involved in my wedding but who I look back and wish had been

- a celebration of Hugo's life and welcoming him in to the family - we have a marriage celebration with family to welcome the other person into the family, so why not welcome a child in a similar way

The cons:

- we already have two brothers and a sister, each with partners, so Hugo has six aunties and uncles already, who will I'm sure offer the guidance and support he needs

- some of the friends I value and would love to ask don't live nearby, therefore how much could they be involved with Hugo's life?

- my parents haven't remained close to my godparents, so I haven't had a close relationship with them, but that's not to say that I wouldn't have liked to

I'm swaying towards the pros but Adi doesn't really see much point. I think if naming ceremonies were the norm he may consider it, but it's maybe too left field for him.

If this was the sort of blog that lots of people read this is where I could do with some advice from anyone who has had one, or anyone who has valued their godparents in a different way to their aunties and uncles.

slowing down

Over the last few weeks I've been trying to find things to fill my days, such as mums and baby groups and meet-ups. A whole day without any adult conversation (or any conversation at all) is a long time for me. Being busy with planned activities also makes the day pass more easily. 

It's made me realise what it must be like to be old and alone, where every visit, phonecall, letter or trip out is company. 

When I'm out walking, older people are more likely to initiate conversation in a queue, say hello as they walk by or hover that bit too long to talk to the checkout assistant. 

When I was working I was too busy to pay much attention, but now I too have to fill my days and find people to talk to. I get it and want to give them more of my time. 

Last week an old man in front of me in a charity shop queue was chatting for a long time which held me up. My automatic response was to say excuse me or find a way to speed him up. I didn't, because I realised I had all the time in the world. For once I wasn't in a rush to go anywhere. That may have been his only conversation that day. Shame on me for not having the patience before. I guess the pace of London didn't help.

From now on I want to go at a slightly slower pace and take in my suroundings. 'What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.'

p.s. I must call my grandparents

the beginnings of a bucket list

Maternity leave has given me lots of time to think, contemplate and plan. Planning is my favourite thing. We've just bought our first home and yet I'm already thinking about whether I'll want to move again and when, or what the other options would/ could be if we could make this home work for us. It'd be a squeeze having a big family here, but wouldn't it be great to have more hope of fulfilling some of my dreams if we could cope. So here they are:

- An apartment in Barcelona. I've fallen in love with the city twice. The first time was when I was 17 and had my first holiday abroad with just a friend. We felt like real grown-ups exploring the city and mixing culture with the beach and bars. I decided then and there that Barcelona was possibly going to be my favourite city. It has the mix of beach and city, with mountains not far away. Its arty and sporty, with so much to explore. There are cheap flights from the UK and for long holidays you could even drive down through France. My second visit confirmed my thoughts, Adi and I went for our first mini-break and it survived the test of a winter trip. We were still able to have lunch on the beach even though we didn't sunbathe. 

So, what's not to love - somewhere equally good for a girls trip or a romantic break and something for all. I guess the next test would be to take children - but there are always grandparents on hand if we fancy a cheeky trip alone!

- A camper-van. This and the aforementioned go hand in hand - imagine camper-vanning down to Barcelona in the summer holidays! (I must find a term-time only job!). But regardless of whether I could go abroad, I'd love to explore the UK and just be able to get in the camper and go. The idea of towing a caravan has always freaked me out. The only downside to a camper is not being able to have a run around car at our final destination, but we have bikes and there are always cars to rent the other end.

- Annual holiday overseas. Next on my bucket list is South America (Brazil, Argentina, Peru), followed closely by Africa (South Africa or Kenya). But the bucket list doesn't stop there. Think road-trips across America and New Zealand, NYE in Sydney, beach breaks in Bali and Hawaii, cricket in the Caribbean, skiing in Canada and Switzerland, the Trans-Siberian Railway, mini-breaks around Europe.. I could go on.

- My own business. I'd love to run a guest house/ cafe. I think it's in my blood as I grew up around my grandparents business and worked for them and my aunt when I was younger. I always liked the idea of doing it for myself one day. Now I tend to like family friendly locations and pop to cafes during my days, so the idea of combining the two is very appealing.

- Trips to London. I miss the city and I'd love for my kids to be as familiar with it as I am. It doesn't take much to hop on a train, so this is something I'd like to do more of. 

- Mortgage free by 50. I have 23 years and 8 months to make this happen. I'd love to be able to ease into retirement and build my slush fund for all that travelling (let's face it, the kids will only just be adults by that point so I doubt much of the above will happen before then).

I've realised that basically it all boils down to travel. As much as I'd love my own business, it'd need to be the sort of business I could entrust in others while I'm away!

uk.isidewith.com

A friend posted a fab website on her Facebook wall (www.uk.isidewith.com) which got my mind going about politics. 

Politics. A word that I wish I'd got to know a little better when I was younger. By know, I mean in its true form rather than that scary thing people love to hate and is deemed 'boring' and insignificant when young.

I would so love to have been interested when I was young enough to study politics and perhaps become involved professionally. Okay I may only be 26, but I don't think it's ever going to happen now. I've always been on committees at school and in work, trying to be a voice for people to make things better in some way, but never considered that I could do that on a greater scale.

I get fed up when all politicians get a bad name. We (the great British public) moan about politicians, but we're forgetting that you have to 'be the change you want to see in the world'. Someone has to do that job and although it may be a case of picking from the best of a bad bunch, we have to put our faith in others unless we have the drive to do it ourselves. The people I see moaning about politicians being from Eton or Harrow are people who haven't got the drive to even try and do it for themselves (me included!). 

Aside from the lack of knowledge, the main reason I couldn't be a politician is because it's so damn hard. We don't live in the perfect world and therefore what I'd want to change or make happen wouldn't always be possible. It's a game of compromises and I'd find it hard to stand for a party that I didn't agree with on some issues.

There are a few parties that I'd like to cherry pick from which the website results confirmed, but it did help reassure me that the party I vote for is the party that I sided with the most. 

It'll be interesting to see if my my opinions change over time and if I consistently vote for the same party throughout my life. 

happy days

There has recently been a trend on social media for #100happydays. The idea is to focus on something that has made you happy each day. My blog sort of serves this purpose for me, as does my beautiful baby boy! He'd pretty much be my happy thing each day right now! 

I had some awful news that really put this all into perspective earlier this week. A friend of mine's boyfriend passed away. He died in a car crash in Australia while travelling the world, living his dreams. It's someone I've never met, don't know anything about and I'm not in close contact with my friend anymore, yet it's really stuck with me and I can't stop thinking about how she must be feeling. 

It's another reminder that we need to grab this life with both hands and live for today, soaking up each moment. 

sleep dreams

As a little girl I'd often refuse to get out of bed to go to school. Partly because some of the girls could be mean, but mainly because I have never been a morning person. This has continued through to adulthood and Adi is well accustomed to getting nothing out of me aside from an occasional grunt each morning until I've come round.

Not only am I not a morning person, but I also require a good 9+ hours sleep a night. I sometimes go into panic mode if I've stayed up too late, knowing that I can't cope on much less. 

Luckily I slept pretty well throughout the pregnancy without too many middle of the night loo trips, but the tiredness was like nothing I'd felt before. I was told that it would be so much worse when the baby was born, so fear set in. Every parent I spoke to would tease me about the sleepless nights and it was my main worry about becoming a mum!

It's very early days I know, but I am totally in awe of my body and feel I need to give pregnant women some hope. The hormones produced by the body after birth allow you to cope with next to nothing and short stints really do get you through. 

If someone had shown me my sleep diary before getting pregnant I would have had a panic attack and possibly delayed motherhood! For the first week I had no more than 4.5 hours sleep a day in stints of 30mins - 2 hours. I've since managed to increase this to about 7 hours over the day, and I sometimes manage 3 hours at a time. 

I am tired, very tired and I brace myself each night before bed, longing for a good 8 hour stint, (I'd take half that right now) but I'm still in a happy phase as I'm coping and my body is helping me. 

I'm taking each day as it comes and I know that this will change as he goes through various different stages, (notably teething) but while these hormones are helping, I'm one happy, if sleep-deprived mummy/ feeding station.

To petrified mums-to-be, trust your body, we're designed to do this. Just remember to invest in some good concealer.

sleepy mummy and Hugo, second night

and they lived happily ever after

Today is three years since Adi proposed. We had been talking about our future and knew that we wanted a family, Adi had just turned 30 and it seemed like a pivotal moment.

In the last three years we've paid off debt, saved and paid for a wedding, saved and bought a house and had a beautiful baby boy. Although we hadn't known at the time where we would end up and exactly how we'd make it all happen, somehow we've achieved the three things we prioritised.

The last three years have been tough both financially and emotionally. It will continue to be tough until I secure a job and I still yearn for London. But because we've worked hard to make it happen and have done it all ourselves, it feels even more rewarding.

I now can't wait to enjoy what we have and live the life we've created together.  

toasting our engagement

what a difference a day makes

I started writing this last week but didn't get around to posting it. Lots has happened since then so it now seems insignificant, but it was the last day spent with mum before becoming a mum myself, and one I want to remember.

Wednesday should have been a shit day. It set itself up to be. I was awake from 4am, incredibly tired and frustrated with another dull, lonely day ahead of me. The night before Adi and I were sure labour was imminent. We'd been for a walk, played on the swings, had a curry and contractions were starting. I felt like my waters broke on the loo at 4am and timed contractions that were getting closer together through until the morning.

It turned out to be nothing.

I had to stay awake for a midwife appointment which was another frustration. The girl before me went into labour (my insides were crying why wasn't that me!!) which meant I didn't see my own midwife and had to wait a long time for another to arrive. It was a frantic appointment with four people in the room and I was given vague dates for sweeps and inductions which was making them seem more of a possibility. With the lack of sleep I was just frustrated and wanting the baby to come!

It's amazing how you can battle through tiredness and turn things around if you choose to. I'd chatted to my mum in the morning to keep her in the loop that I thought things may be starting, but at about that time things ground to a halt and I realised that it was fuss over nothing. Mum decided to come up to see me after work anyway and I'm so glad she did. She can always sense when I'm in need of perking up.

We went to the cafe in my village (which is entitled to it's own post soon as it's basically the reason why I'm living here) for a late lunch, cake and a chat before heading to a park in the next town to us. It was my first visit to Springfield Park in Rothwell and it will be a great place to go with bump. It has a massive play area, tennis courts, picnic benches, exotic birds, a stream that we can play Pooh Sticks in, a garden area and it's pretty expansive - we only covered a tiny bit of it. Although we're living in countryside, I love parks and it's one of the things I miss about London. My closest park was Brockwell and this one reminded me of it with the hill and gardens.

We had a walk and some time on the swings before picking up some essentials from the high street, a couple of books for bump from a charity shop and some daffodils. Although it wasn't the first day of Spring, it really felt like it with the scent of blossom, flowers in bloom, sunshine and a refreshing (okay pretty windy) breeze.

We finished our day with a nap before Adi came home. It felt so good to tuck up and nap because I'd actually warranted one, rather than just napping for napping's sake.

Adi and I headed over to friends for the evening, it's great to be able to pop over now we're only 20mins away and rounded off a perfect day.

Sometimes you have to force yourself out to enjoy some simple pleasures and get those endorphins flowing. Thanks mum x

final weeks as two heartbeats

Yesterday was supposedly my due date. Although only 5% of babies are born on this day it's still a very odd feeling to count down to something for 40 weeks for absolutely nothing to happen!

I finished work a month ago. Had I not been moving into a new house in a new city I would've worked longer, but that said, the tiredness in pregnancy has been like nothing I've experienced before and I think my body has appreciated a rest. I've had the house to focus on which made the first few weeks go by very quickly, but I'm starting to get a little fed up, rattling around in the house on my own.

I had wonderful ideas of spending this time putting together photo albums, sorting through music, reading, watching box sets such as breaking bad, getting crafty with leftover fabric, exploring my new area, baking and generally being productive, but endless episodes of Kirstie and Phil's house programmes, afternoon naps and sorting the house/ cleaning (?!) have been more the reality. 

My current state of mind is being in limbo. I don't feel able to go more than half an hour from home just in case these Braxton Hicks contractions turn into the real deal and I'm not venturing out much, if at all on my own. For the last couple of weeks I have thought everything is a sign. I'm constantly googling what something could mean. This means that every night I'm sure labour will start because of a 'sign' I've had, so every morning I wake with disappointment that I'm not in pain or in a pool of 'water'! On the upside I'm quickly able to remind myself that I've had another good nights sleep, something which I'm told will soon be a distant memory.

I'm not too worried about trying to induce labour, but the sooner he arrives the smaller he will be and induction isn't as appealing because I'd like the most natural birth possible. I'm also ready to just get on with it and let the baby teach me what I need to know rather than thinking too much about what I should know! Contractions have been much stronger over the last week and I've had a few crampy feelings similar to period pains, so with any luck he won't be too much longer.. 

soaking up the skies

I can never get enough of a beautiful sunset. Because they don't last, they set my heart racing and I just want to drink them up before they go. When I'm away, finding the perfect location to watch the sun go down is always a must.

Over the last two evenings from my living room and bedroom I've been able to view the most amazing red skies over the treetops. The view may not be quite as spectacular as some locations, but the positioning of our house means that there is a perfect gap where no houses sit to admire the view from the comfort of my bed or sofa. 

I'd love to capture a stunning sunset image to go in our bathroom, so I'll try to get out into the Yorkshire countryside at some point and get some tips from photographer friends. I particularly love the light shining through bare branches of trees, which reminds me of stencilling at school. 

For the time being, knowing that impending motherhood won't allow me to get out and about much in the evenings, I'm very happy to discover that I can soak up the skies from the comfort of home. 

turning point

Life is currently at a turning point.

I'm 39 weeks + 3 days pregnant. Last year I made a massive decision to leave a life I loved in London so that we could buy a house and settle to have children nearer my family in Nottingham. Yet I'm currently sat in my new house in a village just outside of Leeds, feeling somewhat overwhelmed and in limbo, far away from friends, my favourite city of London and not quite on the doorstep of my family. This was never in my plan and planning is in my bones, but I've come to realise that you have to just go with life and wherever it takes you.

I've decided to write a blog so that I have a space for me. I know that in the next few days or weeks, I'll not just be Sasha any more, I'll be a mum and my identity will therefore change. I'm often a grass is greener kind of girl, but I hope writing helps me to reflect on my own life and ensure I remember the things that make me happy.

So here's to my new life and living each day a little fuller.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin